


everything is alright

by bookishpanda



Series: Sanders Sides Shorts [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Depression mention, Gen, Negative Thoughts, anxiety mention, insomnia mention, platonic sleepxiety - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:13:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28228959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookishpanda/pseuds/bookishpanda
Summary: Virgil is having a rough time falling asleep. The others enlist Remy's help.
Series: Sanders Sides Shorts [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2067366
Kudos: 35





	everything is alright

Virgil was curled up tightly, his hood up, the blankets around him disheveled. His headphones were on, blasting Paramore and Linkin Park and My Chemical Romance in an almost sadistic order. 

He knew it would pass eventually, but that didn't help the pain that shot through his chest as the words echoed through his mind so loudly that the voices from the bands were like whispers. 

“You’re not good enough.”

“You’re hurting the people around you.”

“Your anxiety is too much.”

“You're weak.”

It didn’t help that Remy hadn't been around in days. All of the sides were sleep deprived, but some of them had managed to sneak in tiny naps here and there. Whenever Remy was gone, Virgil was the one most heavily impacted. 

Misery loves company, but Anxiety loves solitude. 

The others tried to console him, but nothing helped. It only made him more frustrated when they offered to watch The Nightmare Before Christmas, when they brought him milkshakes, when they asked him to vent and not wallow. 

But sometimes, you just need to wallow in your sorrow. And in that moment, that was all that Virgil wanted to do. 

He wanted to scream and cry and throw pillows at the wall and dig his knuckles into something so that he _bled_. He wanted to lock himself away in his room and stay there forever. Even though he knew this was temporary. 

But these things being temporary doesn't change the fact that they hurt. It doesn't change the fact that the world can be a raging dumpster fire and maybe, just maybe, Virgil wanted to throw himself into that fire. 

Just so he could feel _something_ other than the blistering pain of his heart shattering. The echoes of the things that he tried to not believe but knew to be true. 

The others didn't understand. How could they? He was _anxiety_ . His attacks weren't planned, weren't preventable in the way they _should be_ , and in the moments when his anxiety wasn't at the forefront, the depression would set in. And then he just felt _empty_. Nothing could fill that emptiness, not food, not cuddles from Patton, not debates with Logan, not even wisecracks from Roman and Remus. 

When the depression visited, it came to stay. A dark cloud seemed to follow Virgil everywhere, like a rainstorm without a rainbow at the end. 

He could barely breathe with the depression sitting on his chest like an elephant or a space shuttle or the fucking moon. That’s what it felt like. He was suffocating under the impact of his own thoughts, his own inability to function as an adult or as a side with responsibilities. 

Virgil would get lost inside his own thoughts, and the passage of time didn't exist. Song after song would ring through his ears, barely registering in his mind, and he only paid attention when he had to restart the playlist or start a new one. 

Of course he had a playlist for days like these. 

It was a warning to the others when they saw him playing it on their Spotify friends list. 

Sometimes they listened. 

Sometimes, they pushed too hard. 

After the depression passed, Virgil was thankful for his friends. But during? He just wanted to be alone and left to his own devices. He had lived with his depression for long enough that he knew what he needed to do when it came around: wait it out. 

So what if that was destructive? He didn't want to hurt others with his indifference. 

\---

Remy walked through the living room to find the majority of the sides on the couch in deep discussion. He sipped on his iced coffee, waiting to be caught up. 

“Oh, Remy. Hey,” Patton sounded defeated, but then an idea seemed to cross his mind. “Do you think you could help Virgil get to sleep? He’s… been feeling kind of low lately.” Remy scoffed lightly, but noticed the serious looks on all of the others’ faces, even Remus and Janus looked concerned. “He hasn't slept in _days_ , and we’re worried.”

“I mean, I _guess_ ,” He responded, settling his sunglasses on the top of his head. “I’ll see what I can do.”

He went down to the basement bedroom that Virgil inhabited, dropping his empty coffee in the trash can along the way. Virgil was still curled up in a ball on his bed, and made no movements to show that he noticed Remy entering. 

Sleep sat down on the edge of the bed, pressing his hand against the small of Virgil’s back, taking a deep breath as he passed some sleepiness into the anxious side. 

\---

Virgil awoke the next morning feelings only slightly annoyed and a little more refreshed than usual. He noticed the faint smell of lavender and coffee, and then noticed that he was being cuddled by Remy. 

Sleep hadn't abandoned him in his moment of need, after all. 

He wasn't fully feeling better, yet, but it was a start.


End file.
